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This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {